God Snorts and Rolls His Eyes

My sleep schedule is so jacked up. I’m up into the wee hours of the night and then I’m sleeping until the afternoon...this isn’t good. With mental illness sleep is very important. You have to do your best to go to bed at the same time every night and rise in the morning at the same time. I suck at this. I’m not very consistent when it comes to my sleep. Honestly I’m all over the place, but part of it isn’t my fault right now. I have been guilty of messing myself up in the past, but this time a new medication and my insurance company screwed me over.

I started a new med a few weeks ago. When you first start taking it, it makes you extremely drowsy, but it goes away after a few weeks. My doctor told me to take it at least 12 hours before I need to get up…I didn’t do this the first night…I underestimated the power of that medication. I woke up the next morning around 8 and I was like, nope…this isn’t happening. I had never been so relaxed/drowsy in my life. Everything felt heavy…everything felt like sleep. Needless to say…I was out of it.

So that med messed me up for a little while, but I’m better now. But now my insurance company has screwed me over. I got that stupid Obamacare crap and Blue Cross and Blue Shield is dragging their butt to get me coverage. I was supposed to have all my stuff ready as of May 1^st…but I have nothing. They haven’t even withdrawn the money for the premium yet…I’m getting pissed. I have blood work that I need to get done, but I can’t because I have no insurance information. And what has really got me messed up is that I have ran out of my sleeping medication…which means I am not sleeping through the night…which means it takes twice as long for me to sleep enough to feel like I have slept enough. This is getting ridiculous.

So I told you all of that to say this. Sometimes our circumstances screw us over. Sometimes we underestimate the power of things in our lives. Sometimes we plan and plan and things still go wrong. I’m getting ready to move to Raleigh (hopefully) within the next month or so and I made the remark about how I had no idea what was going to happen. You see, I have an idea of where I want to move and everything, but apparently I plan and God snorts and rolls His eyes…that’s exactly what I said, and I mean it.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t plan anything at all, because it seems that the harder I plan something the more God changes where I’m heading. I thought I was going to NC State to get my master in social work…nope, instead I’m in a cohort of people getting our masters in clinical mental health counseling through Montreat College. Like I said, I plan and God snorts and rolls His eyes.

So what do you do when things don’t go as you have planned? Sometimes you need a mourning period for the plan that you had set in front of you. I know I did when it came to the schooling situation. Sometimes we need to reevaluate…when one door closes we need to start looking for the door that God cracked open for us…and it may not be easy.

So my sleep schedule is jacked up. So I’ve ran out of sleeping pills. So I can’t get my blood work done. So I’m not going to State or ECU. So I may or may not get to live where I want in Raleigh. But I’m dealing with it all as it comes. I’m being patient with myself…so what if I have to sleep a lot to make up for the fact that I’m not getting good quality sleep without my meds. So what if I have to wait for freaking ever for the insurance company to get their ducks in a row. I’m gonna hold on tight for this ride and keep pushing forward and so should you. My point here is that we plan, and God snorts and rolls His eyes,

Love, Randi