People in Shadow

Christmas is a very interesting holiday in the Lancaster household. Someone always gets sick, either on Christmas Day or within 24 hours of the big day. We visit both sides of the family and we always eat oysters…well everyone but me eats oyster…I don’t like them. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day trying to love on my cousins. I had the little ones on Christmas Eve laughing hysterically and begging for a repeat while I preformed the wicked with laugh. I listened to the troubles and dreams of a 9 year old and dealt with the torturous teasing of 6 year old (I think she’s six). I watched my cousins on Christmas day play with their gifts and took selfies with whoever I could convince to participate. I love my family…even when one grandma goes all weepy over family drama and an Uncle makes me angry by running his mouth to grandma about things that I would have preferred her to hear from me, I still love them.

So what do you love about your family? I love sitting with my momma at midnight watching Dexter and sitting on the couch listening to dad reveal another funny observation he made during the day. I love listening to my little brother talk about his day and spending time (and occasionally money) on my little cousins.

No family is perfect…I can promise you we have our moments. I will be honest that a few weeks ago I got so angry with my brother that I screamed profanity over and over again until he closed the bathroom door to shut me out. Dad fusses at me for random things that I honestly don’t see fault in and mom and me poke and prod at one another until one of us snaps. But they make my life better and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

So what do you love about your family, and do you love their bad side as equally as you love their good side? Because you should. I know you probably think I’m crazy for saying that, but I truly believe that this is the way it should be. When you truly love someone you love the good and the bad…I mean after all isn’t it the bad that makes the good truly good? If there was no bad would we even have a concept of what good is? I don’t think so, light cannot exist without casting shadows. But the good news is that where there is a shadow, light is not far away.

So do you look for the light in people when you seem to be standing in their shadow? I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always do this. I have to admit that I am one of these people that thinks that people should accept me for who I am and not try and change me but then I scream for them to change so that I can fully love them. But where do I get off on this double standard? Who am I to say that someone isn’t loveable in their faults? I expect to be loved despite my failing so why shouldn’t I love others when they fail me?

And people will always fail you. Just last week I realized that a trusted friend had intentionally brought up a touchy topic with me to make a point about something…to prove that I was wrong and he was right. I didn’t even realized what he was doing in the moment…I just bowed my head and said yeah you’re right, but then later on I was thinking about how upset I had felt in that moment and realized that, he had made a really jerk move. This person new that it would upset me and they just wanted to prove to me that they were right and I was wrong and instead of just talking to me about it they proved they were right by getting a rise out of me. I haven’t spoken to this individual sense then but I still get a little upset when I think about what he did. I would love to tell you that I handled this situation in a adult-like manner but I didn’t…I sent a message to this individual with the intention of crossing a few of his boundaries…just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Not my most brilliant move, I will admit…it was manipulative and wrong but I did it and I’m sorry I did it. I know I need to have a conversation with this person but for now I will be content to stew a little longer…I’m still a little angry.

But my point is that I really do trust this person and they let me down and to be honest I’m having trouble seeing this person’s light right now because I’m standing in their shadow. No one is perfect, I made my own mistake in this, but if I expect this individual to forgive me, then I have to forgive him. I need to remember that I love both the good and the bad in people, so that means that I need to love even though my feeling have been hurt. Now let me tell you there is a big difference between liking something and loving something. I am trying to love the bad and the good in people, but I really don’t like the bad in people at all. I really don’t like the way this person got their point across, but I love that he cared enough to try and make the point in the first place. I don’t believe people get up in the morning and decide that they are going to go out and ruin my day….I think that most people get up just hope that no one ruins their day. But let’s face it, someone is going to ruin someone’s day and most likely the perpetrator did not get up that morning hatching a plan to victimize someone.

So I try and remember that were they is shadow, light is not far off. Where my feeling are hurt, joy is just around the corner. When I find myself crying over another setback in life, something great is just around the corner. Because I truly believe that our best is yet to come. So do you look for light when you’re faced with someone’s shadow?

Love, Randi