A Glimmer of Hope

So I think I’ve finally found a new therapist. He made a good first impression anyways. And I liked the approach that he wanted to take with me. Even in the first session with him he was already challenging some of my false beliefs. And he has already given me an assignment…a book to read. I love to read, so I’m pretty excited about this book. I ordered it when I got home, from Amazon, and I hope it gets here Saturday.

But I am anxious. I don’t know this guy. It’s always nerve racking to start meeting with a new therapist. But already he has given me some hope for what my future could look like. You see one of the things my old therapist wanted me to really work on, that we never really got around to, was learning to “sit with my thoughts.” This means that instead of trying to avoid the thoughts, emotions and sensations that come with my disorders that I learn to sit with them and live with them until they become less and less of an issue. That doesn’t mean they go away, but it does mean that I am better able to manage them and understand them and live a fuller life. And I like this idea. (If I’ve understood and explained it correctly.)

During our first session he asked me what I would be doing with my life if someone made a magic pill and solved all of my problems. I didn’t have to think about it at all…but I did have to pluck up the courage to say it out loud. I would be a therapist. I have said that out loud and that wasn’t hard. But then he asked if that was all. And I was quiet, because no, that’s not all I want for my life. And I wasn’t sure if I could say all of it because it seems so impossible for me. I’m not gonna tell you guys what I said, but I did manage to confess the rest of my desires, even though I almost fell apart telling him. It cost me a lot to admit it out loud and I’m just not comfortable telling you guys the rest of my dreams yet. But yes, there is more to my dreams of the future than just becoming a therapist.

But he wants to help me make my future possible…or at least help me try and make it possible. So now there's a little glimmer of hope, and that’s why I’m thinking I’m gonna try and stick with him…for now at least. Wish me luck you guys,

Love, Randi