Suicide Prevention

I want to talk to you guys about suicide today. I recently overheard a story that gave me great concern for a person’s well being. Not only was there suicidal thoughts but there were plans to carry out suicide and there were even some actions towards carrying out said plan…twice…but each time the plan was interrupted. I can only thank God that this person is alive. When this person finally told someone about what was going on in their life the individual talked to this persona and prayed with this person until they felt that this person was in a better place. Now, that MIGHT have been ok if this person was ONLY having suicidal THOUGHTS…but this person had suicidal plans, a means to carry out said plans, and had actually taken actions to carry out said plans…TWICE! Now as I was sitting there listening to this story…well it scarred the crap out of me that this person was not under psychiatric care…because that is what that person needs.

Having suicidal thoughts is not a good thing, but it does not necessarily mean that you need to be hospitalized. But it does mean that you need to be talking to someone and you need to be seeking help. And someone needs to be checking in on you on a regular basis. Because left untreated these thoughts can turn into much more dangerous things. Now, when you really need to start worrying about someone is when they have a plan. So, if someone tells you they are having suicidal thoughts ASK QUESTIONS. Ask them if they have a plan. And if they have a plan find out if they have a means to carry out that plan. If they have a plan, then they are a danger to themselves and need psychiatric attention. If they have a means to carry out said plan, then they need IMMEDIATE help! And for the love of God, DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE! And just talking to them and praying for them is not enough. I’m sorry but it isn’t. God is awesome and has the power to do miraculous things, but DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE A PERSON WITH A SUICDAL PLAN AND A MEANS TO CARRY OUT THAT PLAN ALONE! God is good, but God gave us brains and common sense…don’t give that person even the slightest chance to end their life. All of God’s children are precious and if you leave a suicidal person with a plan and a means to carry out that plan alone then you are playing with fire.

A lot of people think that asking questions about suicide is going to make the person even more suicidal. This is not true. Asking questions and getting them to talk to you about what is going on can be very helpful to the person. And often times, them opening up to you is a cry for help. Please don’t turn a deaf ear to their cries.

If you feel like they need to go to the emergency room and they put up resistance, then call 911 and tell them what is going on. This person may hate you at first but you could be saving their life in the long run. My first hospitalization was pretty horrifying to me. I didn’t know what to expect and I cried the entire time. I cried on the way to the emergency room, while I sat in the emergency room, to the exam room, to the back of the Sherriff’s car, to the psychiatric hospital, and all through the night. The entire time I couldn’t believe what was going on. But in hindsight it was that hospital visit that put me in position to find a psychiatrist when I got back home after being kicked out of school. If I had never been hospitalized and put on medication, then I never would have needed medication management and I would have never met the best psychiatrist in the world. And she has been with me from the beginning and she hasn’t given up on finding the right meds to give me the life that I want to live.

So you see, it may seem harsh to tell someone they need to go to the hospital and yes they may hate you, but it’s for their own good. I mean, how would you feel if you didn’t take any action, or you didn’t take the correct action, or you didn’t take them seriously enough and they did end up committing suicide? Just consider that for a moment. I know personally that, that would destroy me and I would never be the same if that happened. So below I’ve listed some signs of suicide and a number to call if you or someone you know is thinking about killing themselves. This is serious stuff guys.

Warning Signs of Suicide

If someone you know is showing one or more of the following behaviors, he or she may be thinking about suicide. Don’t ignore these warning signs. Get help immediately.

·       Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself

·       Looking for a way to kill oneself

·       Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live

·       Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain

·       Talking about being a burden to others

·       Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs

·       Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly

·       Sleeping too little or too much

·       Withdrawing or feeling isolated

·       Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

·       Displaying extreme mood swings

Get Help

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). Trained crisis workers are available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you think someone is in immediate danger, do not leave him or her alone—stay there and call 911.
(This was taken from www.mentalhealth.gov)

Love, Randi

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The Church and Mental Illness

I recently read two really great books. One was about what the Bible had to say about mental illness and the other was about what the church's mission should be concerning those with mental health problems. I really enjoyed the book with the clinical and Biblical perspective on mental illness. It was very unique and even include examples of mental illnesses found in the Bible, but that is not what I want to talk about. What I want to talk about is the church and where is stands when it comes to ministering to those in it's congregations with mental illnesses. I’m not just saying this because I just read a book on it…well, not ONLY because I just read a book on it…I’m saying this because I’ve lived it.

Based on what I’ve read, one in four people will suffer a diagnosable mental illness in their lifetime. That means that it is possible for ¼ of any given church’s congregation to be suffering with mental health problems at some point in time. To me that is a staggering amount of suffering going on in the church.

Now let me honest here. I haven’t been attending church regularly for a long time. And it’s not because I’m mad at the church or hurt by the church or mad at God or anything. Honestly…it’s because crowds freak me out. And the church that I like to attend is a slightly larger church…so there is a crowd there. (But I'm working towards overcoming this fear in therapy so hopefully sometime in the near future I will be back in church.) But the people there are great. I have never felt judged by any of them or felt any condemnation because I have a mental illness. None of them have suggested an exorcism after reading a post about me hallucinating demons up here…so they’re pretty cool there. And I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know enough about their ministries to know what all they do to reach the mentally ill in their congregation, but I do know that they have a counseling ministry, so I know an effort is being made to reach out to the suffering…of all kinds.

Now, I would like to tell you some of the horrible things I’ve bumped into because of being mentally ill and being a Christian and trying to be in church. One of the first things I heard a preacher say that really got under my skin was that “we don’t need antidepressant, we need Jesus!” Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the miraculous healing power of Jesus Christ, but to tell a congregation that they don’t need antidepressants, well that’s just wrong. Now, this pastor just said antidepressants, but I’m going to say this about all psychiatric medications, because I have heard other well meaning Christians talk bad about psychiatric medications and say that no one should be on them. So, please, please, please, PLEASE, if you have ever been told this by a well meaning Christian or pastor don’t take it to heart. I’m sure this pastor (or whomever said this) meant well, but if you take antidepressants, or any other psychiatric medication, don’t stop taking them…especially without your doctor’s help. And don’t stop taking them because your pastor told you to…that is STUPID! I’m sorry if that seems harsh, but it is. Your pastor is human! He is not God! He doesn’t have the power to heal you, only God can do that. So unless you have felt the Holy Spirit speak to you, telling you, you are healed, do not go off your medication, and even if the Holy Spirit has told you, you are healed please go off your medication with the help of your doctor...suddenly stopping psychiatric medications can be very dangerous.

Another thing that I’ve heard before is that mental illness is cause by demons and that you simply have to pray the demons away. I am now at the point in my life that I would like to slap the next person that says that to me. Mental illness is a sickness just like any other sickness we get. Just like cancer. Just like diabetes. Just like Crohn’s disease, and all other sicknesses. And do you know where all theses sicknesses come from? They come from sin. They come from the fall. They come from the moment Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. The moment Adam and Eve ate that fruit they brought sickness and disease into this world. And the brain is an organ just like any organ and it can get sick just like any other organ can. And that is where mental illness comes from…a sick brain. That is all it truly is…a sick brain. But the brain is highly complex. And this complexity of the brain makes treating mental illness difficult...which is another reason people have difficulty believing mental illness is a really illness. But, this complexity is why finding the right course of treatment for two people with the same diagnosis can be extremely difficult. But there are great doctors out there, that have great minds and a lot of patience and work hard to find the best way to treat each patient that comes into their office. So, no…mental illness is not caused by demons. It is not caused by demon possession and it is not caused by demon oppression. So, if you are going around telling people that have a mental illness that they need to pray away the demons...please do me a favor and stop it...your just hurting them.

One reason I think the church is so reluctant to reach out and help the mentally ill is because they are afraid. I think that a lot of people watch a little too much TV and believe that mentally ill people are dangerous. Ok, so here’s the thing…most of us aren’t dangerous. Most of us are really just frail, frightened and suffering individuals who really just need a compassionate, loving, Spirit filled Christian to reach out to us and show us the love of God. I have been hospitalized seven times and I have only met 2 dangerous people out of all of those times. Now, let’s keep in mind: I WAS IN THE A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL. I was in a place where people go when they are at their worst. This is a place where people are put when they ARE dangerous and out of all those seven times I have been in that hospital I have only met two truly dangerous people. And the only reason they were dangerous was because they were psychotic. I left before they were stabilized, but I’m willing to bet, that once their doctor found the right medication for them they were no longer a danger to society. If you want to know the honest truth about the mentally ill…most of the time we are more of a danger to ourselves than we are to anyone else…if we are a danger at all.

Let’s talk about lack of education. Most pastor’s and their staff just don’t understand mental illnesses. I’ve never attended seminary, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a class that teaches you about the mentally ill, unless it’s taken as an elective or something. I think that churches need to educate themselves on the mentally ill. Not only could this keep them from saying hurtful things and believing silly untruths, but it could also save a life. If the church is aware of the signs of mental illness and even the signs of suicide, then perhaps they can spot people in their congregation suffering and reach out to them. I can’t count how many times I have sat alone in a church service suffering in silence and no one has noticed anything was wrong with me, even when I know, in hindsight, I was showing some signs of distress. If churches could educate themselves, maybe even offer a class to those interested in learning more, then a lot of things could change for the better. And if you are wondering how on earth you could offer a class to your church…I’m willing to bet there are professionals out in the community (or possibly even in your church already) that would love to help educate people on spotting signs of mental illness and suicide and things like that.

There is one thing I would like to suggest that churches could do that I believe would be very beneficial to those in the church suffering with a mental illness and even to the family members of those who suffer with a mental illness. Support groups. This is something that was mentioned in one of the books I read and I really loved how it was executed. Not only did these support groups reach the church but it also reached the community. The book made the point of saying that a lot of people turn to the church when they start suffering but when there is no help for the mentally ill in churches then they have no where to turn…so they continue to suffer in silence, or look for help in the secular world. And I believe that a Holy Spirit lead support group for the mentally ill and their families could do way more for someone than a secular support group. I did a Google search on Christian support groups for the mentally ill in my area before I decided to write this post and there are none. I would love to attend something like that, but sadly it’s not out there.

Well, I have rambled on enough on this topic. I could keep going, but I think I have said enough for now. I hope I have given you all some things to think about. Hit me up if you have any questions…or if you would like to know what the two books I just read are. For now,

Love, Randi

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Anxiety in Therapy

There are a lot of things that make me anxious: crowded places, crowds in general, loud noises, sudden movements, people invading my personal space, people touching me and especially the smell of spearmint to name a few things. And I have a tendency to try and avoid most of these things, which can kind of hinder me living the life I want to live, and to be completely transparent…I’m tired of living this way.

For those of you who follow me up here, you know that I have started seeing a new therapist. Well, this guy doesn’t mind pushing my buttons. He wants me to be anxious. He wants me to start facing some of the things that make me anxious so that I can start to conquer some of my anxiety. It’s kind of like exposure therapy I guess. But to use his own analogy…we’re starting in the shallow end and we’re gonna slowly move toward the deep end.

So therapy has been emotionally draining lately. During each session at some point we do something to cause anxiety in me and then we work towards accepting that anxiety and the thoughts and memories and other things that come with it. Yesterday, I really stretched myself…I allowed him to sit beside me…which is a major personal space violation to me…especially seeing as I’ve only known him a few weeks at this point. But I did it anyways…because I’m tired of living with all this anxiety and fear. He gave me the option of just moving his chair a little closer or sitting beside me and I decided to go for the tougher option and allow him to sit beside me…it was hard but I did it. And then we talked about what all went through my mind and did some kind of exercise that I won’t explain here, that kind of helped me deal with the thoughts that I was having.

You see, there is a part of me that dreads going to therapy because I know that I’m gonna have to face some difficult anxiety while there. (And trust me, I'm taking my anti-anxiety meds before I get there.) But there is a part of me that looks forward to going as well, because I know that the more I go, the closer I am to living the life I was to live. But I do get anxious just thinking about going to therapy. I am trying to be brave, because like I said earlier…I’m tired of living this way. I’m determined to live the life I want to live. I want to go back to school and earn that masters degree, I want to become a therapist myself one day and maybe even have a family one day. Who knows what God has in store for me? But for now, I’m just going to continue to work as hard as I can in therapy.

Love, Randi

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Is it Helpful?

During therapy the other day we got to discussing how one talks to one’s self. It basically came around to how I am my own worst critic. I am always putting myself down and thinking I can never do things. Some of it is my own creative thinking telling me these things, and some of it, are the voices of others from my life telling me their doubts in my capabilities, and the mean things that they have said to me over the course of my life. And it doesn’t help that when I am psychotic and hearing voices, they tend to tell me some of the worst things that people have ever said about me…including things I’ve said about me and sometimes the voices get creative and tell me insults I’ve never even thought of before.

So, after we talked a little while about how I am my own worst critic we talked a little bit about how I think about these negative thoughts. And my therapist had kind of a challenge for me…a kind of new approach to my negative thinking that I think I’m gonna try. He said instead of getting caught up in whether or not these thoughts are true or not why don’t you ask yourself is this thought helpful? I thought that this is a strange way to look at it. But really it’s not. He said that if you decide that this thought that you’ve had isn’t helpful then you label it as unhelpful and then you move on. Now that doesn’t mean that you won’t think of it again, but that does mean that when it pops back into your head you go, “Oh there’s that unhelpful thought again…I can just put that away and move on to a more helpful thought.” Now, I know that’s easier said than done and it’s gonna take some practice, but I’m willing to give it a shot.

You see I think I get caught up too much in trying to convince myself whether or not a thought I have is true or false. And by labeling something helpful or unhelpful and can save myself some time and effort. Now, like I said, I know this way of thinking is gonna take some practice, but I think that it might actually help me not be so controlled by so many negative thoughts that I have. By simple labeling a thought as helpful or unhelpful, I can push it aside and move forward with whatever I’m doing.

So, I think I’m gonna give it a shot. It’s not gonna be easy. I got 29 years of doing it the old way…you know trying to figure out if something is true or false. But I’m thinking this knew way of thinking might be better. Wish me luck guys,

Randi

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