Perfectly Imperfect

My pajamas. I drive my mom crazy because sometimes I just leave the house in them. Don’t get me wrong though; I like to look cute, but sometimes I just don't give a shit. I do this a lot with when going to the doctor. I mean think about…you’re not going to the doctor because you are at your best. Whether it be for a cold or for depression…you aren’t at the top of your game when you walk into those offices.

I feel like this especially about my therapist and psychiatrist’s office. These people…even the office people have seen me at my worst. One time I was waiting to go to the hospital and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I’m a messy crier too. I mean snot and tears everywhere. And loud. Really loud sobbing. In hindsight I feel a little embarrassed because I’m sure everyone in that office could hear me crying…I mean one of the doctors moved me to a vacant room out of the conference room because she didn’t want her patients to hear me crying next door to her office. I was seriously that loud. There was also an instance where one of the office girls was upset about me being upset and made the statement “Can’t I just take her home with me?” I love that girl. Another time I slide to the floor off the sofa in front of my psychiatrist and said “I’m not okay,” to which she responded “I know. And you’re going to the hospital.” Another time I was laying on the floor crying in an empty exam room and one of the office lady’s knelt on the floor beside me and was very encouraging to me in one of my many moments of weakness. My therapist has seen me dissolve into an unresponsive mess. Just beyond functioning at all…a blank slate of pain. So yeah, after a while…you just really don’t care.

So I show up in my pajamas most of the time, unless I have somewhere important to go before or after my appointment, I’m going to be in pajamas. A few times I actually went without my shoes. I don’t like shoes…especially when it’s raining. I hate wet shoes. They soak up water and then your feet are cold the rest of the day. Unless it’s really cold outside I’d rather walk through the rain barefoot. I’ve been fussed at multiple times for going in the office without shoes on. Comments about catching toe fungus and/or pneumonia are often times said. To which I respond, “When I get it I’ll let ya know so you can tell me ‘I told you so.’”

So, my point is…sometimes it’s ok to not care. We don’t have to be perfect. Trying to be perfect is exhausting. I’ve never been one to reach for perfection, but I’ve watched those who do. I’ve seen individuals be consumed by their desire to appear to be something they’re not. The perfect Christian. The perfect leader. The perfect son/daughter. The perfect employee…on and on the list goes. Now don’t get me wrong…I believe we should try our hardest. I believe we should be the best we can be…but don’t drive yourself insane trying to be the perfect person for whatever situation you may be in.

So make mistakes. Learn from them. Talk about your mistakes. Let people know you are human. Because if they know that you aren’t perfect…that you too are just as imperfect as they are, you just may make a new friend. You may open the door to make a difference in someone’s life. So, enjoy life. Everything is beautiful…even our imperfections are beautiful. We are truly perfectly imperfect.

Love, Randi