After that I really didn't wanna go anywhere. I needed to swim, but my leg hurt. I needed to be in church, but my leg hurt. I tried to focus on work and school but I could feel myself slipping into depression.
And then I was manic. I stopped sleeping and had endless energy. I was wreck less with my safety and money. I created a lot of credit card debt and picked up a homeless man. In the middle of all this school had taken notice of my questionable mental stability. They wanted to know if my therapist and psychiatrist thought I was capable of being in an accelerated masters level program. Strangely enough I was making all A's, but they had questions all the same. My psychiatrist informed them that I was perfectly capable of being a student. But alas, not even a week after the letter arrived in their hands they decided that I wasn't capable in their opinion and gave me the boot. It was a big blow..And it hurt a lot it felt like the Emmanuel fiasco all over again.
At the same time I was facing some issues at work. There was a joke gone terribly wrong that ended up with me having to get an evaluation as to if I was capable of working the job and if there were any special considerations I needed. Apparently a note saying you are going insane and to feed my flying monkeys is only funny to me...oops. But I played the game and got them what they wanted.
But a week after school gave me the boot...my job "released me due to performance," which is a fancy way of saying I got fired. So within a week I lost my job and my place as a student. Devastated didn't even cover how I felt. So I searched for a job like crazy and got into contact with vocational rehabilitation. But nothing came through...despite several promising interviews.
The first of November I gave up and moved back in with mom and dad. It sucks. I love my parents but I am too old to be living with them. But I'm trying to make the best of it. I finally got some headway with vocational rehab...I'm waiting to start my evaluation. But on the way home from my appointment with vocational rehab I got a seatbelt ticket...really? Now I know I was asking for it and it's no one's fault but my own, but could I please catch a break? Oh and what is up with court costs? The fine for the seatbelt is only $25...the freaking court costs are over 100! Really Wake County? Thanks for that one!,
But I refused to let even that get me down. So, this past Thursday I went to a doctors office and got started on a program to help me lose weight again. Then on the way home, BAM! ...car wreck. I didn't see or hear it coming...just out of no where the lady nailed the back right side of my car. It launched my into the guard rail so hard my car bounced off and swung around and the back end it. I came to a stop on the side of the road facing traffic. It took me a little to figure out what happens and what side of Hwy 64/264 I was on. Then I realized I wasn't wearing my glasses or my ballcap anymore...the. I realized I needed to call someone..Then I realized I couldn't find my phone. Then I realized my car was totaled and the headlights that we had just replaced were crushed...I was like "dammit, I only got to use them once!" The pedestrian that I said this to looked at me like I was insane. He asked if I was ok, I told him I think so. I finally found my phone, hat and glasses in the backseat.
Now, hear I am a few days later and I have had to accept the fact that the one good knee I have is jacked up. I thought it was just sore and would work itself out in a few days...I was wrong. So now I'm down a car and I don't have any good knees anymore.
So, with all of this said I'm thinking about going into hibernation for the rest of the year. The entire year I have been thanking God because I know it can always be worse...and then for some reason things would get worse. So here's to hoping nothing else goes wrong this year. And with that said I'm going to list some things that I'm praying and believing for in 2015.
1. To get my but back in church!
2. Health...in mind and body.
3. A job with benefits...including GOOD health insurance and enough pay to get me on my own two feet and off of mom and dad's dime...and a job that I like.
4. A new apartment...better than my old...in a good neighborhood, in Raleigh.
5. To have my dog back living with me.
6. A car that is dependable, good on gas mileage and one that I like the way it looks...preferably a hatchback but a coupe is acceptable.
7. Healthy relationships with family and friends.
8. To spend some spare time volunteering in my community.
9. To always make time to read a good book.
10. And to never forget to write.
I'm praying and believing with God that 2015 will be a better year than 2014.
Love, Randi
