Me and my mother were watching TV the other week and somehow
the show said something about the Great Commandment in the New Testament; the
one where Jesus commands us to love the Lord our God and to love your neighbor
as yourself. Somehow this TV show pointed out something that I have learned in
the psychology field but never within the walls of a church: that we have to
love ourselves in order to love our neighbor. I have known this for years,
mostly through my interactions in the mental health field, but I never really
put it together that it was a Biblical principal that was actually given in the
Great Commandment.
But I know that this is easier said than done; so many of us
never extend ourselves the loving grace that we extend to others. We make a
mistake and spend the next, however many hours beating ourselves up for it and
going over and over again in our heads how we should have done things
different. Maybe you’re a loving momma who runs around all day taking care of
the little ones and you never take a moment to take care of yourself. Perhaps
you’re like my momma who spends a lot of her life doing things for other, to
the extent that when she finally sits down at night she physically aches all
over. Maybe you are always telling your daughter, mother, best friend and
complete strangers how beautiful they are but you never look in the mirror and
tell yourself that you are beautiful too. I don’t know, but if you don’t love
yourself you can’t possibly love your neighbor in the way God created you for.
Now I know some of these things may seem more like self-care
issues and not loving yourself issues, but when you truly love someone you do
things for them. You spend time with them, you spend money on them, you use
your resources on them in order to make their lives better, because that’s what
love looks like. True love takes investment. I know that for some of you taking
care of yourself seems like it just takes too much freaking time, but let’s
look at the reality of this situation:
When you don’t love yourself you won’t spend time and resources
of yourself. When you don’t spend time and resources on yourself your body,
mind and spirit is going to start to deteriorate. When your body mind and
spirit start to deteriorate you are not operating at your highest level of
emotion, mental, spiritual and physical strength; and when your strengths in
these areas fail so does your ability to show the love and care that you are
capable of. So what does loving you look like? Well I have compiled a short
list of things that I have incorporated in my life that have really helped me
in this area.
1. Take time to look good.
a.
When you take the time in the morning to look
good before leaving the house you will feel better about yourself. Maybe this
means getting up a little earlier…maybe it means switching up your morning
routine a little, maybe it even means delegating some of your morning chores
but whatever it takes figure out a way to take pride in your appearance. When
you look good, you feel good and when you feel good it shows. Your fresh face
will present an attitude to the world that says yes I am a super busy person
and I still look great! You will be surprised by how much looking good throughout
your day will improve your capacity for love.
2. Spend some time on yourself.
a.
Now I know for all of you mommies out there this
seems like an impossible task but it is doable. Maybe that means telling the
hubby to take them for an hour, or paying your next-door-neighbor a little for
him/her to watch them for an hour. But there is a way to do it. Just take an
hour every once in a while to spend time with yourself. Read a book, surf the
web, just find something positive that you enjoy doing and do it, at the very
least go for a walk!
3. Exercise.
a.
This is something I implemented over the summer
and I love it. Yes it was very hard at first and I dreaded it but now I love
it. I know some of you are super busy but you need to make some time to do
this. Not only is it good for your physical health, but it’s good for your
emotional health too. Take the time to go for a walk; if you have kids take
them with you…it’s good to get the kids in the habit of exercising too. When
you exercise you feel better physically and emotionally and therefore you
increate your ability to love.
4. Extend the same grace to yourself as you do
others.
a.
How many of us forgive so easily the little
pains that other people cause us. “Oh you broke my vase, it’s cool, it’s nothing
but a thing.” But if we were the ones to break that very same vase: “I’m so
clumsy. I’m always doing something stupid. There I go again knocking crap over.
I can’t believe I broke something else, I can’t afford to be so stupid about
things.” I know I can’t be the only person guilty of this…so why do we beat
ourselves up like this? Why do we forgive others and then rip ourselves apart
for our little mistakes and mishaps? We need to be as gentle with ourselves and
we are with others. When you constantly beat yourself up you won’t have the
energy left to love anyone.
5. Laugh.
a.
Laugh at the silly things, laugh at the bad
things, and laugh when you think there is no reason to laugh, because laughter
truly is the best medicine out there.
So take care of yourselves. Take the time to love on
yourself and you will be amazed at how much love you are actually capable of.
If people are already impressed with how loving you are you will be astounded
by how much more loving you can be when you take the time to love yourself.
Love, Randi
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